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Showing posts with label Dating in law school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dating in law school. Show all posts
Sometimes I used to think of getting together with Little (gorgeous) Darcy "Hookhands" as she is known here. I wrote about her before on my blog. Anyway, I never was good at approaching women and many Torts classes were spent with me looking over at her. When she would raise her cute little hook into the air, I would always stare at her. Sometimes she would catch me and I would blush. But I don't know if she thought I found her attractive or if I was just gawking at her custom made high grade stainless steel hooks.
I still remember where her locker was. While mine was on the first floor of the school, hers was on the second floor. Locker 212, close to the end (for easy access). Why do I remember her locker number? Well, you see, I was going to write her a love note and slip it in. I wanted her to "be my woman."
Anyway, I remember I was briefing the case Hook v. Hook and I just could not keep my mind off her. I ripped a sheet of paper out of my notebook and began to write her a letter. I remember trying my hardest to make sure my handwriting looked good. Further, I didn't know if I should put my name on it or 'secret admirer' as sometimes things get around law school fast. Well, I figured I'd decide later, and I began to write...
"Dear Darcy,
I just want you to know I am always impressed by your intelligence in each of our classes. You have a unique gift and I know you are going to have amazing grades/class rank at the end of the year [it was hard for me to not say something about her looks here]. I also want you to know that I would welcome the prospect of going steady with you. I have always, ever since I first saw you at the orientation picnic, thought you were something of an amazing girl [I highlighted amazing with my purple marker]. I have never written a note like this to anyone, and I was wondering if you could make sure that if you don't want to be with me, by chance, that you do not let anyone else know about this note. If you are interested in being with me, please initial below and slip this note back into my locker, 125, and I will take that as valuable consideration to date you.
Sincerely,
Your secret admirer"
I remember chuckling to myself, thinking that if Darcy slipped the note in my locker, but later played coy or backed out, that maybe I could get specific enforcement of our little "contract" to date.
I guess I could have got a card saying "I'm hooked to you" instead.
Sadly, I never sent the note on to Darcy. I was always too shy that someone would find out and the whole school would think I was a creeper or something. Plus, I am sure that Darcy had a lot of people tease her throughout the years about those hooks. I wish I would have took the time to just talk to her and maybe go about being with her the regular way. But I am not that kind of guy, I guess. I guess that the truth is it's hard to be confident when you are dealing with a beautiful woman who has hooks for hands. Either way, I have tried to look her up and sometimes I think of e-mailing her and asking about her life (she dropped out after 1L). Then again, maybe she wants to put law school and everything and everyone it entailed behind her.
So, I was able to go on my date. It wasn't much, but it was sure a lot of fun (and something I truly needed)! We walked around, went to an Indian restaurant, and went to the park and had ice cream. We also went to Target to get some school supplies (her idea -- she likes to buy stuff early). I got a few notebooks. I don't use a laptop in class, I like the old pen and paper method.
We talked a little bit about school. I told her that I am going to law school and I mentioned how expensive it was. She mentioned that she had some debt herself and that she was not crazy about having to take out loans, but she felt she had no other option. She didn't seem put off by the fact that I have over $150k in debt. I was scared to death to tell her this. However, I did feel bad saying it. It's a lot harder to say it than it is to just think about it.
In the park, while eating ice cream, I asked if she had a good time. She said yes and continued to eat. I think that is a good sign. I had a good time too. I am a bit old fashioned, so we did not kiss on the first date.
I felt good about myself for not letting my status as an indentured member of the higher education world hold me back on my date. I never know how a person will react when I tell them of my debt. I remember a few years ago telling a coworker of mine that I had about $50k in loans. I remember his little mouth falling open and him gasping "wow". It was the first time I felt bad about it.
College Loan Debt as "Good Debt"
Recently I listened to JDPainter on NPR state that he thought college debt was good debt. I always heard the same thing. Financial books would always speak of "good debt" and "bad debt" and the college loans were always on the good side (credit card debt is the bad stuff). However, it's starting to change to where college loans are seen as bad debt. I think any debt that gets a person's jaw to drop is bad debt.
How to tell someone about your college loans.
Since I mentioned I told my date about my college loans, and survived, I wanted to post a blog entry about telling a friend or girlfriend/boyfriend about your college loan debt. Telling someone else about college debt can be terrifying. If that person is someone you find yourself wanting to be with, telling them about debt can be horrifying. So, how does one tell another person about the massive loans they took out?
1. Stay Cool.
First, you don't want to appear scared yourself about the debt. If you are scared about your college loan debt, chances are you will scare the other person with them. You will want to make them feel that you feel at least someone secure in the debt. For example, you may say the following:
"I have a debt load from my education. I just wanted to let you know. It's about $185,678.22, give or take."
2. Pick a good time.
Picking a good time to tell that other person about your debt is a great idea. Imagine it like asking for their hand in marriage. The situation has to be right. For example, you would not want to ask that other person to marry you in Wal-Mart (or would you?).
You may want to consider a relaxed place, like a park or the beach. Further, you could consider looking presentable. Dressed up maybe? Also, don't tell him/her if he/she is having a bad day.
3. Show you are in control.
Showing the other person that you have control over the situation is important. Mention that you are fully aware and committed to programs such as IBR and the like. However, don't flat out lie. Don't say, "my school pop's out grads who start at $75k min, but most of us are on track to make $160k." Even if the schools said it to you, you don't want to spread that kind of information. On the same token, don't say that you expect to be destitute and never able to pay back a dime.
4. Turn it into a positive.
It's kind of crazy, but one can make that massive debt seem like a good thing. How, you ask? Well, you can state that it's your chance to spread your legs...err wings I mean. For example, state that you have always been drawn to the exotic. Canada, Cambodia, South Korea, New Zealand (this helps a lot if she/he likes Lord of the Rings or Xena: Warrior Princess), or Costa Rica are all said to be nice places to live free of student debt. If she has longed to travel, this may be appealing. Of course, some people are terrified of leaving the United States, and this may not be the most positive idea. If that is the case, you can ignore this particular advice.
5. Get him/her to believe that you find it to be somewhat worth it.
For example, you can say that "I have always wanted to go to college, and I am the first in my family to do it. Further, this law degree is something that was important to me. On balance, I feel like I am one step closer to achieving the goals that I set out for myself." This shows that you are a "go-getter" or goal minded. People seem to respect people who create a goal and go towards it. Tell that other person that your next goal is to tackle your debt (or emigrate to Kenya). Chances are they will swoon like no other.
***
There is a chance the other person may be put off by your telling them about your student loan debt. If that is the case, you are better off telling her now than waiting until later. Why waste time with someone who will not understand that you come debt saddled? There are plenty of people out there who have debt of their own and still long for someone like you. Telling that other person is hard, but in the end, you will feel better for having done it. Believe it or not, there are some very nice lovable people out there who are more impressed with someone who has a college degree and don't care too much about the debt. It's romantic to have to tackle something together. And yes, many of these people still have all their teeth!
I would like to end this post with the lyrics to one of my favorite songs by Bad Religion. I don't know why, but it seems fitting:
You Are (The Government) Bad Religion, Suffer 1988
Hey sit down and listen and they'll tell you when you're wrong. Eradicate but vindicate as "progress" creeps along. Puritan work ethic maintains its subconscious edge As Old Glory maintains your consciousness. There's a loser in the house, and a puppet on the stool, And a crowded way of life, and a black reflecting pool, And as the people bend, the moral fabric dies, The country can't pretend to ignore its people's cries. You are the government. You are jurisprudence. You are the volition. You are juridiction. And I make a difference too.
This is a double feature post. First, I would like to talk about something that I saw on Apple's App store. It was this program that had to do with "Mantras for job hunters". I guess the thing is that you use these words to find a job. A mantra is a sound, syllable, word, or group of words that is considered capable of "creating transformation". I am sure some of you have heard of things such as "creative visualization" and the like. For many, who are desperate to get jobs, this may be something that helps you find it. That being said, I am very leery of this kind of thing, but whatever floats your boat.
Anyway, on that topic, I thought it would be fun to create some mantras for law school grads who are seeking jobs. Keep in mind that many of these are just for fun. Repeat until you believe it. Mantras for Law School Graduates
"I am worthy of a long term position" "My resume is polished" "I am turning my low law school rank into a high ranking job" "The time for me to enter the workforce is now" "A humble man like me can be a powerhouse of industry" "I am ready for a phone interview" "I am turning my tier 4 JD into a tier 1 job" "I will not let anything hold me back from success" "My family will see me as a success" "I never failed, I was only set back" "Today is the day to start my real job search" "Those spelling mistakes on my resume were only a set back" "Mother will be proud" "I am ready to begin my trek to become partner" "I will not allow the Cooley name to stain me" "I am branded for success" "I will prove my elementary teachers right: I am special" "I am about to be where I belong" "Next year at this time I will be in the corner office" "I can order this pizza tonight because I will have a job before the check goes to the bank" "I will not allow failure to define me. I am ready for success" "If placed in a room of three interviewees, the others with HYS JDs, I will shine" "I have sharpened my mind through law school and now it is time to make the cut" "I will find a job, dang it, I will" (begin crying here)
Although some of these were less serious than others, the truth is, sometimes getting yourself to believe something can be beneficial. If you lament daily that you are worthless or that you will never find a job, you won't. It's as simple as that. You do start to believe what you tell yourself. Now, I don't believe that these mantras have any magic. But I think that people do hold themselves back with their thoughts. Thoughts turn into actions. If you don't believe you will find a job, chances are you won't look, or if you do, your beliefs will show during your interview. Further, some people self-sabotage themselves because they are scared of some type of success. It may change your identity or who you think you are. Many are comfortable with who they are, even if they are not happy. Much of life is a result of how you think and act.
Part II: I got a date!!!!!! Earlier I posted advice about dating while in law school. Well, I am going to go on a date in a few days, and I am rather excited. I have not dated in a long time, and I don't consider myself to be that great at it. That being said, I think we are going to do the dinner and a movie thing, maybe walk through a park (maybe the High Line in Manhattan) and get some ice cream. I am thinking Indian sounds good and as far as the movie, something like Batman. She says she likes Sci-Fi stuff, and even mentioned that she likes Dr. Who (which, to be honest, I am not a huge fan of).
How did I meet this woman you ask? Well, I met her online and she seems very sweet. I am not much of a 'people person' and since most of my 'social life' takes place around the confines of a deep dark and dank law school, I figured that getting out into the sun, which I am usually not a friend to (I like the cool fog and the cloudy morns myself), would be beneficial. In fact, I am really really excited for this date, as I said.
I have mentioned to this girl that I am a law student, and she did not say much one way or the other, but had some questions about how I liked it and all that. I am sure we will talk about it. She's a student too, but undergraduate still. I don't think she has any interest in going to law school herself, so that's a really good thing.
I don't want to get too excited yet, as I have not actually met her in person, but I have talked to her quite a bit. She's kind of strange like myself. She doesn't seem too obsessive about making a lot of money or that kind of thing.
Anyway, I really hope this works out. I never thought about having a bona fide girlfriend throughout law school. It would probably affect my studies, but at the same time, it would make me have something to focus on other than books, books, and the professors scalding looks.
Are you looking for love in law school, or have you graduated law school and wonder if any woman/man in her right mind will take you? Well, I have some thoughts on the subject. Before I begin I want to state that these are mainly my perceptions, and they may be wrong. Further, I am up to being challenged on them, so if you disagree and have anything to add, go ahead and put it in the comments section.
It seems that today being in a relationship is of the utmost importance. We see it all the time in the media, on movies, and in the books we read. The idea of being alone is a miserable thought to many of us who crave the intimacy of some kind of partnership with another living breathing human being. Being alone, society has told us, is a curse. I disagree. For some people, being single is a great thing. There are many individuals who have gone on to do great things with their lives and have been single. Further, many people have found happiness being single. However, that does not help those who truly yearn for some kind of mate.
So, say you are in law school and looking for a partner. Where should you be looking? In the classroom, outside of the classroom? Should you look in the law review area (that's where the real geniuses hang out)? Should you look in the law school cafeteria? Well, personally, I would never date another law student. Well, I should not say never, but I would be incredibly careful about doing so. First of all, one thing I have noticed about many (not all, but many) people in law school is that they think very, very highly of themselves. Some will outright say that they are amongst the smartest people in society (just because they finished their first year of law school). I would not want someone who incorrectly thinks that they are superior in such a way. They say confidence turns on the opposite sex, but that is not confidence. That's more akin to an ego that has got out of control.
Further, some would consider the debt level of the person they were dating, especially if one is marriage minded. Do you want to go into a marriage with huge debt? Personally, with the debt I carry, this would not be a huge issue to me. I realize that if I was to double it, it will still be almost impossible to pay off. Further, having a life partner, and someone you love and cherish for the rest of your life, is worth more than a legal education. So, if I took on $200,000 of debt for law school, why not take on an extra $200,000 (or more) for someone that I can spend the rest of my life with?
I would consider looking outside of law school for a partner. Some say that older women do not find a law student or lawyer to be that great of a thing anymore. Sure, an unemployed lawyer is not going to appeal to some women. Many women do want a man who makes good money. However, money is not everything, and there are many women out there who just want someone who they can be a partner with. These are the kind of women I would search for. Even a person making $200k a year can become disabled or fired. If the partner would leave me over such a thing, then I would not want to be with that person. Further, I don't think that there's anything wrong with finding a woman from the type of background where she would be impressed by a law student or lawyer. Just because a woman does not make a great amount of money or have a impressive education doesn't mean she can't be an amazing person. In fact, I have found women from these types of backgrounds to be more 'real' and accepting.
One other piece of advice is to not chase that partner away with your lamenting over high debt. Although you may have incredible debt levels (I do), I do not lose sleep over it, nor would I make my partner feel fear over it. I know that I have to do something about the debt I have taken on, and making myself scared over it, or making my partner scared over it won't change a thing. I am reminded of Tuvok on Star Trek: Voyager who states that lamenting over something will not change what is already there. I have my whole life ahead of me to correct the debt, and even if I take it to my grave, it can not take away my chance to have an amazing relationship with another human being.
