Coming to terms with it all...

The last year has been an emotional roller coaster for me.  My first semester of 2L ended with me receiving horrendous grades.  I battled my way through emotions of "why try", "can I even get an A any more?" "have other law students got better?"  I lamented, missing a good chunk of classes in the last semester, going above the allowed absences in a few of my courses.  Then, I decided to cram at the end, spending hours upon hours on outlines, thinking that maybe there was a chance of me doing decent.  Better than C's.  Maybe I could get average grades.  In the end, I was able to pull in a few decent grades, while at the same time thinking that I may never even practice law.

Further, I battled depression knowing that I would probably never get the coveted $100k+ job or the summer internship that supposedly pays $20k.  I laid in bed at night, staring at the ceiling, realizing that I was paying over $150,000 for the privilege of going to law school.  How long would it take me to pay this sum back?  I did great in my law and economics course, and with my understandings of economics, I should have known better. The truth is, I didn't listen to reason.  I just jumped in to law school because for years I told myself I wanted to do it.  After three years of applying to schools I should have bit the bullet and gave up, but instead, I told myself it was so important to get into law school.  I knew little to nothing about the state of the legal economy when I was accepted, but even if I did, it would have been too little too late.  I was devoted to my goal of getting into law school, no matter what the tier, no matter what the cost.  I would have went to Harvard or Cooley, as long as it was an ABA accredited law school.

This summer has given me a lot of time to think.  Actually, the whole year, in all its craziness, has allowed me to come to terms that I will probably not be pulling in $100k+ a year in law.  Further, I have come to the conclusion that I do not want that any longer.  The time spent surrounded by the walls of a firm, the low man on the totem pole, the over-worked and undersexed partner breathing down your back.  No thanks.  I don't want to end my day to just go home to a fancy house that I get little time to enjoy, in a car that I only sees the road between home and the firm.  Even $100k a year is too little when it's my youth that is on the line.  No thanks.

So what is it that I want?  I don't know, now.  Do I want to practice law?  I don't think so.  Will I take the bar?  Yes.  I will still complete the goal I went after.  I am too close to quit and I feel that in the end this was an expensive way for me to prove that I can attain my goal.  I am still young and I still have many options in life ahead of me.  Law, however, may not be in the cards for me.

Law School: The Best Remaining 3 Years of Our Lives.

 
Today I was thinking that law school may be the best three years we have left.  The days are sometimes long and painfully boring.  There is much worry regarding finding a job or not finding a job.  And, some of us are so devoted to school that we have no lives outside of the walls of higher learning.  However, what lurks in the future makes for a sobering reality.  Law school may be some of the best days we have left.

Law school can be depressing...

What comes after graduation?  Depression over not finding a job?  Desperately faxing hundreds, perhaps thousands, of resumes to employers who snort upon opening them, discarding them in the trash in a frenzy?  Explaining to family that law school doesn't equal success.  Explaining to non-legal employers that our law degree was merely a setback?  Explaining to the pastor that the reason I cussed during church was because that job I interviewed for three weeks ago was a no go?  Explaining to the dog that I can not afford to feed him, so he is going to have to go get his own dinner outside tonight?  Explaining to the roaches in the apartment that I can't afford to kill them?  Explaining to a would be girlfriend that I can't afford to take her out on a dinner date, but the food stamps that my career services office helped me procure afforded me some very delicious T.V. Dinners.  Explaining to the bus driver that I will swipe my bus pass twice after getting the job in which I am going to interview for to make up for not having a valid one this time.  You get the point...

Another thing to keep in mind is that there's no summer vacation or spring break (which is coming up next week) in the real world.  A law student is wise to cherish every moment of that spring break (some actually study during it), as it will be one of the last large breaks one will have for a while (other than the unemployment break, but unlike spring break, we don't really look forward to that one). 

Today I heard laughter coming from the table behind me and I wondered what could make the person seem so jolly.  Was it that she got a job offer from a big firm?  Was her law review article published the closest to the front of the Journal of International Law?  Did her boyfriend buy her a brand new puppy?  Laughter, while common now, will grow to be less common as the years progress.  Laughter, to a graduated lawer, is something that begins to die out, go extinct, and even outlawed.  They say after taking the bar exam, all laughter is cut in half.  After finding your first job, it is hard to even smile. 

In one of my classes today we were asked about the time value of money.  The professor asked how much we would value $100 in a year from now.  One person said $106, another said $110, and another said $200.  The professor asked the student who said $200 how much he would view $100 in three years from now.  The student said $250.  The professor said, "why not $300?"  The student said, "I am a 2L and next year I will be a 3L, and I will have a job so the delay in getting the money will not matter to me as I will be making a lot of money."  Enjoy it while it lasts.