I have read that suicide in the law profession is one of the highest amongst all professions. I am no lawyer yet, nor do I know if I ever will be one. However, I must say that as of late, the thoughts of suicide have come into my mind. Late at night, lingering in my mind. Consuming my thoughts. Penetrating my psyche.
First, I don't think of myself as a suicide risk. I have played with the idea years ago of ending my life, but now I have things in my life that are too precious to kill myself for. My family, my pets, my friends, my World of Warcraft account with a level 85 Restoration Druid, Warlock, 2 Mages, and a Priest. The Warlock alone probably makes my life worth keeping around, as I have gotten immense pleasure off leveling him. For the Horde!
When I was very young, around 18ish, I once played around in a chat room, depressed out of my mind about a girl that I thought I loved who dumped me. I told the chat room that I would kill myself! Later that night the police came by to check up on me. I told them that I was not going to kill myself. It seems that some woman in that chat room called the cops on me. That's when I realized that it was not good to even talk about suicide. No one in my family ever found out about this dark event.
For the last few nights I have found myself awake late into the night, depressed out of my mind. I have read things on these scam blogs that people in society do not understand. I started college a few years ago hoping that I would one day make a decent living. I thought I would be happy with around $50,000 a year. In fact, coming from a very poor background, that seemed like a huge amount of money to me. As I graduated with a bachelor's degree, I realized I would be happy with $30,000, but the chances of me getting it seemed nil. So, I went on to law school, figuring I could make at least that amount and have a "respectable" career. Now, it turns out, that dream was not really viable. In fact, while I may find a job that pays decently, chances are I won't. It's not a good bet. And not one that should be taken lightly. It's a losers game.
Anyway, late in the night, while staring up at the ceiling, trying to focus my mind on something besides law school I found myself playing with the idea of offing myself. I realized that this was not something I should be thinking about, as I have much to live for, and it made me feel even worse. How could I have gotten to this point? How could I, during 1L, have had so much hope for the future, and now, being a 2L, feel that it's all a waste? It's all dismal. It's not worth it. I feel that I am going to, in the end, only have debt to show for my accomplishments. I feel in the end, all I will be remembered for is that guy in the family who got so much education but had so much debt and never could find a real job. It's a sobering and depressing thought, and perhaps my greatest challenge-greater than the torts final and corporations final, and taxation final will be learning to live with the fact. The fact that I am doomed to failure. The fact that I really had no chance at all.
I made a mistake. And a costly one. One that will surely haunt me for the remainder of my life. Keep this in mind, 0L's, as you begin your education. Think about taking a couple years off, trying to find a decent job, and forgetting about law school until some changes are made. You have all your lives to go to law school. It will be around in a decade. Until then, get some good experience in the real world, and try your hand at paying back that undergraduate debt. Chances are you will realize that you were better off not going to law school. Chances are you will find something more valuable than learning the coveted black letter law. Your time, dear reader, is better spent than learning how to brief a one hundred year old case.
First, I don't think of myself as a suicide risk. I have played with the idea years ago of ending my life, but now I have things in my life that are too precious to kill myself for. My family, my pets, my friends, my World of Warcraft account with a level 85 Restoration Druid, Warlock, 2 Mages, and a Priest. The Warlock alone probably makes my life worth keeping around, as I have gotten immense pleasure off leveling him. For the Horde!
When I was very young, around 18ish, I once played around in a chat room, depressed out of my mind about a girl that I thought I loved who dumped me. I told the chat room that I would kill myself! Later that night the police came by to check up on me. I told them that I was not going to kill myself. It seems that some woman in that chat room called the cops on me. That's when I realized that it was not good to even talk about suicide. No one in my family ever found out about this dark event.
For the last few nights I have found myself awake late into the night, depressed out of my mind. I have read things on these scam blogs that people in society do not understand. I started college a few years ago hoping that I would one day make a decent living. I thought I would be happy with around $50,000 a year. In fact, coming from a very poor background, that seemed like a huge amount of money to me. As I graduated with a bachelor's degree, I realized I would be happy with $30,000, but the chances of me getting it seemed nil. So, I went on to law school, figuring I could make at least that amount and have a "respectable" career. Now, it turns out, that dream was not really viable. In fact, while I may find a job that pays decently, chances are I won't. It's not a good bet. And not one that should be taken lightly. It's a losers game.
Anyway, late in the night, while staring up at the ceiling, trying to focus my mind on something besides law school I found myself playing with the idea of offing myself. I realized that this was not something I should be thinking about, as I have much to live for, and it made me feel even worse. How could I have gotten to this point? How could I, during 1L, have had so much hope for the future, and now, being a 2L, feel that it's all a waste? It's all dismal. It's not worth it. I feel that I am going to, in the end, only have debt to show for my accomplishments. I feel in the end, all I will be remembered for is that guy in the family who got so much education but had so much debt and never could find a real job. It's a sobering and depressing thought, and perhaps my greatest challenge-greater than the torts final and corporations final, and taxation final will be learning to live with the fact. The fact that I am doomed to failure. The fact that I really had no chance at all.
I made a mistake. And a costly one. One that will surely haunt me for the remainder of my life. Keep this in mind, 0L's, as you begin your education. Think about taking a couple years off, trying to find a decent job, and forgetting about law school until some changes are made. You have all your lives to go to law school. It will be around in a decade. Until then, get some good experience in the real world, and try your hand at paying back that undergraduate debt. Chances are you will realize that you were better off not going to law school. Chances are you will find something more valuable than learning the coveted black letter law. Your time, dear reader, is better spent than learning how to brief a one hundred year old case.
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