The last year has been an emotional roller coaster for me. My first semester of 2L ended with me receiving horrendous grades. I battled my way through emotions of "why try", "can I even get an A any more?" "have other law students got better?" I lamented, missing a good chunk of classes in the last semester, going above the allowed absences in a few of my courses. Then, I decided to cram at the end, spending hours upon hours on outlines, thinking that maybe there was a chance of me doing decent. Better than C's. Maybe I could get average grades. In the end, I was able to pull in a few decent grades, while at the same time thinking that I may never even practice law.
Further, I battled depression knowing that I would probably never get the coveted $100k+ job or the summer internship that supposedly pays $20k. I laid in bed at night, staring at the ceiling, realizing that I was paying over $150,000 for the privilege of going to law school. How long would it take me to pay this sum back? I did great in my law and economics course, and with my understandings of economics, I should have known better. The truth is, I didn't listen to reason. I just jumped in to law school because for years I told myself I wanted to do it. After three years of applying to schools I should have bit the bullet and gave up, but instead, I told myself it was so important to get into law school. I knew little to nothing about the state of the legal economy when I was accepted, but even if I did, it would have been too little too late. I was devoted to my goal of getting into law school, no matter what the tier, no matter what the cost. I would have went to Harvard or Cooley, as long as it was an ABA accredited law school.
This summer has given me a lot of time to think. Actually, the whole year, in all its craziness, has allowed me to come to terms that I will probably not be pulling in $100k+ a year in law. Further, I have come to the conclusion that I do not want that any longer. The time spent surrounded by the walls of a firm, the low man on the totem pole, the over-worked and undersexed partner breathing down your back. No thanks. I don't want to end my day to just go home to a fancy house that I get little time to enjoy, in a car that I only sees the road between home and the firm. Even $100k a year is too little when it's my youth that is on the line. No thanks.
So what is it that I want? I don't know, now. Do I want to practice law? I don't think so. Will I take the bar? Yes. I will still complete the goal I went after. I am too close to quit and I feel that in the end this was an expensive way for me to prove that I can attain my goal. I am still young and I still have many options in life ahead of me. Law, however, may not be in the cards for me.
Further, I battled depression knowing that I would probably never get the coveted $100k+ job or the summer internship that supposedly pays $20k. I laid in bed at night, staring at the ceiling, realizing that I was paying over $150,000 for the privilege of going to law school. How long would it take me to pay this sum back? I did great in my law and economics course, and with my understandings of economics, I should have known better. The truth is, I didn't listen to reason. I just jumped in to law school because for years I told myself I wanted to do it. After three years of applying to schools I should have bit the bullet and gave up, but instead, I told myself it was so important to get into law school. I knew little to nothing about the state of the legal economy when I was accepted, but even if I did, it would have been too little too late. I was devoted to my goal of getting into law school, no matter what the tier, no matter what the cost. I would have went to Harvard or Cooley, as long as it was an ABA accredited law school.
This summer has given me a lot of time to think. Actually, the whole year, in all its craziness, has allowed me to come to terms that I will probably not be pulling in $100k+ a year in law. Further, I have come to the conclusion that I do not want that any longer. The time spent surrounded by the walls of a firm, the low man on the totem pole, the over-worked and undersexed partner breathing down your back. No thanks. I don't want to end my day to just go home to a fancy house that I get little time to enjoy, in a car that I only sees the road between home and the firm. Even $100k a year is too little when it's my youth that is on the line. No thanks.
So what is it that I want? I don't know, now. Do I want to practice law? I don't think so. Will I take the bar? Yes. I will still complete the goal I went after. I am too close to quit and I feel that in the end this was an expensive way for me to prove that I can attain my goal. I am still young and I still have many options in life ahead of me. Law, however, may not be in the cards for me.
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