Law School as Prison

 This is the room in which we learned about Torts.

When I first started this blog, I was unsure what I would write about.  Surely, that is only so much that one can say about the whole law school experience, isn't there?  At least, that's what I thought at the time.  However, searching the internet and sitting in class, thinking not only of the legal reasoning that is taught to us, but as to the little intricacies of law school, I realized there is truly much to say.  I was also stunned by just how many legal blogs exist out there.  There are many from wide eye'd young kids who are just entering law school and are no doubt using the blog as a medium to brag to their contemporaries that they are going to law school, and then there are those who were hardened by the whole law school experience, much like a young man who emerges from prison and looks at the world.  I was the former; I am turning into the latter.

Law school can be likened to a prison (سجن) in many ways.  The Dean is the Warden.  You only sometimes see this individual.  He is talked about often, but rarely seen or heard from.  When something goes on in the law school, his name is generally on it.  When the paychecks are cut, his is the biggest.  He knows what happens in those hallowed halls.

The law professors are the guards.  They torture you with long readings and calling upon you randomly in class, hoping that you will stumble, so they can waterboard you.  I have been waterboarded three times during my first year.  Trust me, it was not fun.  The professors often claim that they love the law, and their jobs, but me thinks that they love their big paychecks, which, after the warden, is probably the next largest.  If you get 'good behavior' you get an extra 1-3 points.  Whatever the hell that means.

Next is the janitors. These men and women lurk in the halls generally during the morning and evening hours.  Outside they may be seen having a cigarette.  We prisoners refer to them as the 'lucky ones'.  These are the guys who got a job at the school after graduating.  Yes, rumor has it some were us law students at one time.  These individuals are sworn to silence, never able to whisper in the ears of a student how it's all a big hoax.  "You can escape at any time.  The exits are right there!" they long to say, but they can't, lest they would lose their jobs, which they had to beg and plead for so many years ago.

 Professor: "Let me see a show of hands for those who read the 130 pages on vicarious liability last night." 

Last on the list is the prison crier.  This nark is the kid that sits in the front and talks to the professors non-stop.  When a question is asked, the nark, also called gunner, will shoot answers out faster than you can raise your hand.  His answers are generally wrong or not even remotely on topic, but the prison guard/professor likes that anyway, because it saves him from having to talk for a while.  He smiles, adding that extra 1-3 points on the gunner's grade, knowing from experience that it will save the gunner from failing out of prison and returning. 

Of course, there are other players in the law school prison scheme.  It would not be complete without the prison law librarian and the guy who hangs out in the bathroom watching porn on his iPhone.  In the end, this three year sentence is on par with the life sentence that one may experience in the real "Big House", mainly because that probation (the law degree) follows you for life.