It's so expensive these days to afford a psychiatrist or counselor, especially when riding over $100,000 of student loan debt. So I thought I would be my own counselor, as it's not too hard to figure out what they would ask you, and the answers are all up to me anyway. So I am going to write about my feelings and thoughts here, as if I was talking to a real psychiatrist.
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Psychiatrist: How are you today?
Me: I’m having a more ‘positive’ day. There was no law school classes today, spring break is around the corner, and afterward it’s all downhill on the way towards summer. Well, I still have to find a summer job, and I am going back home for the first time since starting law school, and frankly, I’m a bit nervous about that.
Psychiatrist: I see. What makes you nervous about going back home?
Me: Well, my parents think I am going to be a rich lawyer, but not all lawyers are wealthy. Many are actually deep in, as a fellow scamblogger would say, NON-DISCHARGEABLE student loan debt. They seem to have watched a butt ton of Perry Mason and similar shows and have based reality around television.
Psychiatrist: That sounds like psychiatrists. I am very lucky to have this job.
Me: Well, you only have a job inside of my mind. Furthermore, what really irks me about it is that my parents are divorced and live in opposite sides of the state, so when I go back I have to explain the law thing twice and they may think I don’t know what I’m talking about.
Psychiatrist: How does that make you feel?
Me: Not too good. I try to not think about it, as I won’t be going back until May, so I have time to get myself prepared for it. And finals. And find a summer job. And figure out what to do after graduating.
Psychiatrist: Do all law students feel this way?
Me: No, not at all. Some are excited to be there. In 1L law students are like children, playing with color highlighters and trying to appear smarter than their peers. They are all fighting for the top grades and play a game of seeing who can talk the most in class. In 2L the students realize that they are in deep now and the color highlighters are not as appealing. In fact, by that time they are sick of carrying the books and say ‘screw the highlighters’, highlighting instead in pen or not reading much at all. I don’t know much about 3L, but I would imagine it has something to do with those suicide cards I keep seeing around my law school.
Psychiatrist: Whoa, back up. Suicide cards?
Me: Yeah, there’s these little cards around in envelopes about the signs of suicide. I have not heard of anyone in my class doing it, but it’s obviously a concern. I think I put one of those cards in my wallet actually. You know, to have a jump on 3L.
Psychiatrist: Earlier you said you were having a more ‘positive’ day today. Tell me, what is a more ‘negative’ day like?
Me: Well, I skip class, figuring ‘what’s the point?’ Then a few hours later, when I realize class was going, I feel like an idiot. I wonder what I am missing, if something I missed will be on the test. I think of how much I am paying per class, it’s a few hundred dollars probably. I mean, if I paid for a plane ticket to Cancun, which is about what a day of law school costs, would I just skip it? I think not.
Psychiatrist: I can see why you would be upset. Anything else?
Me: Well, on those days I find myself looking at the job sites, wondering if I could find a job outside of the law. I sometimes send a few e-mails out and maybe a resume or two, but then I ask myself if I would skip class to go to an interview, and what would I say? Would I say I am in law school? Would I say I am dropping out or plan on dropping out? What would I say I did for the last couple years if I didn’t say I was in law school? I then feel like I really should have went to class.
Psychiatrist: When was the last time you missed a class?
Me: Over a week ago.
Psychiatrist: How does that make you feel?
Me: A bit better. In a way. I still wonder what the point is, sometimes. I just sit there in some of my classes and wonder what the point to all this stuff is. I mean, sometimes I read the books and there is this long case. I read it and try to understand it. I try to go through it slow, taking in the law like a man takes in a good looking woman. I mingle the thoughts around in my mind, feeling real good because I am learning stuff and I feel I can use this information on the next exam. Then I write all that stuff down in my notebook, all the rules and stuff. Then, I read on and at the end of the case, in the notes, it says the case was overturned. I wonder why the hell I had to read that long case if it was just overturned in the end. Furthermore, the book doesn’t say why exactly the case was overturned, so I am thinking ‘what the hell is the point of all this stupid theory?’ I want to learn how to file a lawsuit, and I don’t mean civil procedure cases. I want to learn how to physically do a case.
Psychiatrist: I can imagine so. Maybe one day the law schools will learn that they need to teach you all more hands on. Kind of like how a dentist learns dentistry or a brain surgeon learns surgery.
Me: That would be nice. But then I wonder, why not now? What am I paying for?
Psychiatrist: Well, maybe you could be a professor and teach that same kind of theory. Maybe you learn the good stuff when you go for an LLM?
Me: That’s just another big scam. It’s another two years of the same theory. If you want to learn the real law you have to get a job, but those are scarce.
Psychiatrist: You are in a world of hurt. Why did you go to law school again?
Me: I figured it would supplement my degree nicely and make me a powerhouse in the working world.
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