"Don't drop out..."

Information leaked to my family that I was seriously considering dropping out of law school.  Now, keep in mind I do not get any financial help from my family.  Many of them are unemployed right now.  My grandparents are on the brink of retiring and collecting SSI for the rest of their life.  My mother is being forced out of her home and her fiance lives in a camper because the commute to his job is around 3-4 hours.  My father has been unemployed for going on two years.  So when I mentioned that I was considering dropping out of law school they were frenzied.

Immediately I got an e-mail from my grandparents:


"You mentioned you were thinking about quitting school.  I hope you decide not to because you have so much time invested in it and you are almost at the finish line.  You may look back and really regret it later on if you quit now.  Sure there are people out there that just see gloom and doom but if you have the will to succeed, and Lord knows you do, the right position will be there for you .  It sounds like you have been doing real good and getting internships so you must be doing something right.    You have a really good, smart head on your shoulders so I know you will really give it some very serious thought.

Now, I felt bad that they heard of my idea of quitting school, and e-mails like this make it really hard to do that.  Not only do I have to worry about where I would get funding to afford my apartment and bills while looking for work.  But, I would have to worry about my family thinking of me insane.  They are under the belief that all lawyers are rich people who drive fancy cars and have fancy women (or men if they are a lady).  However, I did not know what to say to this, so have not replied yet.  I don't want to say: "well, I'll give it another shot," even though I will probably at least stick with it through Spring and see if I can line up real work while doing school.  But, at the same time, I am not going to say, "I am going to quit after Spring if I find a good job."

Part of me would like to find a good job and quit and use the job as an excuse.  However, the reality is that I am probably not going to find one, hence me going to law school in the first place.  Either way, it's something else to think about as finals approach.

Thanksgiving Break

Man, I really enjoyed my Thanksgiving break.  I didn't even think much about law school except having to actually go back on Monday.  And here I am, waiting for class to start.  I thought about skipping this one, as I actually read the stuff (except the last case) but I think I will go, mainly because I have right about the max amount of absences. 

I got some comments on my last post which really gave me something to think about.  I am considering going and teaching English outside the US.  Sure, it's not great money, but it's better than this.  I have a lot of research to do, but it would probably be better than sitting around in class all day worrying that:

1) I will get called on.
2) and if I get called on I will have not read the case.
3) or, I will have read the case, but be tricked,
4) or, will be asked something about a past case that I did not read which relates to this case.
5) or that I am wasting my time, and will not be able to find a job after this.
6) or that I could be doing something more worthwhile such as playing Farkle on my ipod.

---
Update:  I was called on!  And guess what, it was the case from LAST CLASS that I did not brief.  I guess I did not realize we were still behind.  I scrambled like a lunatic trying to remember the case, and looked around through my underlined notes like a bat out of hell.  I was able to parse things together as the professor fired question upon question at me in military fashion.  My palms were entrenched with sweat, my eyes were glazed in hysteria.  From the back corner of the room I plunked out answers in fury, clenching my pen and book, flipping through my notebook to past cases that she may try to compare.  Her gaze had me frozen as her lips barked forth words that had become mush in my brain over the Thanksgiving break.  I knew she was thinking: "did you not review and study over the break?" 

Finally, when she asked me the holding, and the glorious light at the end of the tunnel beckoned, I screwed it up.  I went blank.  I forgot what the holding was.  And then, it came to me!  And I was wrong.  She corrected me and talked for a moment.  Her words turned into white noise as I stared at the pages, ready to answer yet another question, but none came.  It was over...

Skipping Class...

So, I've been skipping class.  Why?  I don't know.  I just can't get myself to be in the mood to go.  Last year I was on top of it all now, and now this year I feel like "what's the point"?  I realize, though, I need to put my teeth to the grindstone and get my rear in gear, and back to class I shall go. 

But I imagine I am not the only one.  You know, back in my first year of law school, very few people seemed to miss.  Now, as finals approach in 2L, everyone is missing classes, doesn't care, and is lethargic it seems.  The competitive cut-throat environment of 1L is lost.  Now there is just fear of not finding a job.  Fear of not doing good.  And half of us are too scared to even try.

So, what are my plans for Thanksgiving you ask?  Study for finals, I say.  But in reality I know I won't be doing that.  I know that in reality I'll be lamenting that I am not studying for finals while doing something else entirely, be it eating, drinking egg nog, hanging out with friends, or hell, even playing:

All of it sounds a lot funner than studying for finals.


Oh, and I skipped class today to post this blog (I should be in class right now).

When people ask you about law school...

So I was telling an old friend of mine that I was in law school.  He asked me what I was doing with my life and I was trying to figure out a way to say "I'm in school still..." without looking like a bum.  To be honest, part of me wishes I was out of school and doing something with my life.  You know, using this great legal education to further my own ends.  But that is not the reality.  Of course, he was impressed by this and was like "wow, isn't law school tough?"  I was not really in the mood to talk about it, but stated, "it can be." 

I think the hardest part I have with law school is the fear that once I get done that all that effort will be meaningless.  Who knows if I will get a job, and if I do, will it be one I like?  Will the people I work for be respectable human beings, or will they be people I hate working with.  Part of me wonders if I even want to work in law.  Maybe I could start my own business instead.  But what?  There's so much going through my head when I start talking about law school.

Two years ago I was thrilled at the idea of talking about law school.  People seemed so impressed by it and I was thrilled to have it asked.  Wow, how things change in such a short time. 

I have been going to a lot more blogs on here, which are very interesting.  I can't say I agree with everything they say, but they do paint a harsh picture of the reality we are not made aware of when filling out that law school application and sending application fee after application fee away to different schools.  I wonder, would have I even applied after reading the stuff I read now?  Maybe they should have a 1L or pre 1L course where one studies the inner workings of the law school system.  In fact, I think a high school course where one studies adult professions and how competitive it is to get into them, and how many actual spots are open in them would do wonders.  Maybe that kind of thing is taught in economics.  I would not know though, as I did not take economics in high school.  Either way, there's way too many schools now and way too little positions for graduates.  What's a person to do? 

That's where I have got the idea of starting my own business.  Yet I came from a family that told me that when I grow up, I get a job and work for someone else.  That's the big reason I went to law school.  I figured if I am going to work for someone else I am going to earn a lot.  Now I see that I might end up someone's slave for a small pittance.  And all the while the person I am working for would be reaping the fruits of my labor.  I don't think that's what I want.  So, I have decided I would like to start my own business.  What?  I don't know.  I thought about law, but realistically I would need a few years at least of solid law experience before going in for myself.  What else then?  A bakery, a plumbing supply company?  A car dealership?  Any of these things would probably make me more money than I can expect to learn from law school, and all those things require no college.  Kind of crazy to think about...

I thought I'd share...

I found a really interesting and scary site known as http://www.shitlawjobs.com/.  Man, what an eye opener.  I'd actually rather close my eyes and pretend I didn't see that.  The premise is simple.  The blogger posts about legal jobs that he finds around the internet.  Most that I saw were from Craigslist. 

They look like this: 

Downtown general practice firm seeking NEW YORK ADMITTED attorney to make court appearances. Bankruptcy, immigration, and landlord/tenant experience a plus.

Strong work ethic, positive attitude and superior organization skills required.

Please note that this is an unpaid internship with the potential for a paid position in the future for the right person.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/lgl/2695588397.html

Anyway, this is scary.  I would like to share this with some of the people in my classes, but I know what they would say.  "Those jobs are for the bottom feeders, or for people who don't go to this school."  But imagine, being admitted to the bar and working for FREE?!  And he asks for a positive attitude on top of it?   I honestly think that this man is looking for his own personal slave.  I guess there's a lot to be said about going into practice for yourself.  Slave labor these days is easy to take, and I'm sure a position like this is getting some applicants.  I can just imagine people at the interview stating that they would love this position and that they would treasure and cherish the experience. 

So Much Anger

My last internship was an experience in itself.  I can't help but find myself thinking back to it with no good thoughts.  Just thoughts of if that is what practicing law is like, then help me please.  I guess, that's what they call sh*t-law.  It was a solo practitioner who worked in an office with an actual firm.  Part of me was happy to not work for the actual firm, because the people who worked there were full of hate.  Lots of yelling in that office.  And the guy I worked for had no clue how to deal with people.  He thought he was pretty much the smartest man imaginable.  I wish I found out where he went to law school, because he didn't hang his diploma in his office (the people in the other firm went to Harvard, U.C. Berkeley, and the like) but this guy, mystery law school (maybe it was New York Law School, as he hired a lot of people before me from there).

Anyway, he'd say one thing and then blow up at me for doing it the way he said to do it.  Every day, no matter what I did, it was wrong.  "Fax a letter to this other attorney," he'd bark, then he'd hiss "We should have called instead.  You should have called!" 

He was constantly on the phone with his new wife, yelling at her over something, or pouting because she would not have dinner ready for him.  Oh yes, and he whined.  This actually confused me, because why would a grown man whine at his intern?  He had no people skills what-so-ever.  Excuse me for ranting, but man, the whole thing was hell.  He was a shady player in the law game and one that I would not want to be in business with.  I can tell now why he practices on his own and why he can't keep an intern (I think I worked for him the longest, half a semester). 

One thing I have noticed about this profession is that there is so much yelling, so much anger.  I see no need for it.  Could one not be cool and composed?  Instead they seem to take on so much and let their own greed overtake them.  I have never met a calm attorney.  Well, one, but he was the slave of another angry one and I think he was about to have a nervous breakdown.  Poor man.  I hope that's not me one day.  I have nightmares though, sometimes, that it will be me.  I'd rather work in fast food though than deal with that.  I'll go learn a trade or something if it comes down to it.  Anything, just please, not that.

Why I went in the first place.

If anyone reads this, they might want to know why I went to law school in the first place.  Maybe when I get out I might want to know that, as I may forget.  Being crammed Property and Torts makes you forget a lot of stuff that once was important. 

I wanted to be a lawyer.  That's all I can think of.  Okay, I also wanted to make the most money possible.  I saw these lawyer types, looking all professional and smart, with their briefcases and their fancy cars, and their big condominiums and homes and got a bit of a lust in me heart over that.  Oh, and I imagined them having hot women, even though I rarely see male lawyers with women.  In fact, the whole profession may not be very good for being in a relationship, even though there's a whole lot of dating at my school.  Best to get that out of your system before you get in practice. 

Now, I started law school a bit later than most.  I'm in my late 20's whereas many in my class are younger.  I'm not the oldest, but I wish I did this earlier.  Actually, I take that back.  I wish I got a degree in food science or animal husbandry.  Anything else.  Why did I have to major in Celtic Studies?!?!?  What the hell did I expect to get out of that?  My adviser, of course, told me that would be a 'different' major that graduate students would see as a boon.  And I went to a fine undergraduate school.  So, now that I got that out let me think, why else did I go to law school?

Oh, yes, I did think I'd end up with a lot of ladies, however at the time I was in a nice relationship (had to break up when I moved, and she was upset about that, and yes, another mistake I think about every day when I am listening to a lecture about the felony murder rule or the substantial factor test. 

I can't think of any other reason why I went to law school other than those above.  I think the biggest reason was to get a better degree.  Something with substance.  I wonder if a degree in which about a 100,000 or so other people are going for each year will have much substance, or if in the end my Celtic Studies degree will be more valuable.  I guess we'll have to see, as I have not even tried to put the latter to work yet.