We talked a little bit about school. I told her that I am going to law school and I mentioned how expensive it was. She mentioned that she had some debt herself and that she was not crazy about having to take out loans, but she felt she had no other option. She didn't seem put off by the fact that I have over $150k in debt. I was scared to death to tell her this. However, I did feel bad saying it. It's a lot harder to say it than it is to just think about it.
In the park, while eating ice cream, I asked if she had a good time. She said yes and continued to eat. I think that is a good sign. I had a good time too. I am a bit old fashioned, so we did not kiss on the first date.
I felt good about myself for not letting my status as an indentured member of the higher education world hold me back on my date. I never know how a person will react when I tell them of my debt. I remember a few years ago telling a coworker of mine that I had about $50k in loans. I remember his little mouth falling open and him gasping "wow". It was the first time I felt bad about it.
College Loan Debt as "Good Debt"
Recently I listened to JDPainter on NPR state that he thought college debt was good debt. I always heard the same thing. Financial books would always speak of "good debt" and "bad debt" and the college loans were always on the good side (credit card debt is the bad stuff). However, it's starting to change to where college loans are seen as bad debt. I think any debt that gets a person's jaw to drop is bad debt.
How to tell someone about your college loans.
Since I mentioned I told my date about my college loans, and survived, I wanted to post a blog entry about telling a friend or girlfriend/boyfriend about your college loan debt. Telling someone else about college debt can be terrifying. If that person is someone you find yourself wanting to be with, telling them about debt can be horrifying. So, how does one tell another person about the massive loans they took out?
1. Stay Cool.
First, you don't want to appear scared yourself about the debt. If you are scared about your college loan debt, chances are you will scare the other person with them. You will want to make them feel that you feel at least someone secure in the debt. For example, you may say the following:
"I have a debt load from my education. I just wanted to let you know. It's about $185,678.22, give or take."
2. Pick a good time.
Picking a good time to tell that other person about your debt is a great idea. Imagine it like asking for their hand in marriage. The situation has to be right. For example, you would not want to ask that other person to marry you in Wal-Mart (or would you?).
You may want to consider a relaxed place, like a park or the beach. Further, you could consider looking presentable. Dressed up maybe? Also, don't tell him/her if he/she is having a bad day.
3. Show you are in control.
Showing the other person that you have control over the situation is important. Mention that you are fully aware and committed to programs such as IBR and the like. However, don't flat out lie. Don't say, "my school pop's out grads who start at $75k min, but most of us are on track to make $160k." Even if the schools said it to you, you don't want to spread that kind of information. On the same token, don't say that you expect to be destitute and never able to pay back a dime.
4. Turn it into a positive.
It's kind of crazy, but one can make that massive debt seem like a good thing. How, you ask? Well, you can state that it's your chance to spread your legs...err wings I mean. For example, state that you have always been drawn to the exotic. Canada, Cambodia, South Korea, New Zealand (this helps a lot if she/he likes Lord of the Rings or Xena: Warrior Princess), or Costa Rica are all said to be nice places to live free of student debt. If she has longed to travel, this may be appealing. Of course, some people are terrified of leaving the United States, and this may not be the most positive idea. If that is the case, you can ignore this particular advice.
5. Get him/her to believe that you find it to be somewhat worth it.
For example, you can say that "I have always wanted to go to college, and I am the first in my family to do it. Further, this law degree is something that was important to me. On balance, I feel like I am one step closer to achieving the goals that I set out for myself." This shows that you are a "go-getter" or goal minded. People seem to respect people who create a goal and go towards it. Tell that other person that your next goal is to tackle your debt (or emigrate to Kenya). Chances are they will swoon like no other.
***
There is a chance the other person may be put off by your telling them about your student loan debt. If that is the case, you are better off telling her now than waiting until later. Why waste time with someone who will not understand that you come debt saddled? There are plenty of people out there who have debt of their own and still long for someone like you. Telling that other person is hard, but in the end, you will feel better for having done it. Believe it or not, there are some very nice lovable people out there who are more impressed with someone who has a college degree and don't care too much about the debt. It's romantic to have to tackle something together. And yes, many of these people still have all their teeth!
I would like to end this post with the lyrics to one of my favorite songs by Bad Religion. I don't know why, but it seems fitting:
You Are (The Government)
Bad Religion, Suffer 1988
Hey sit down and listen and they'll tell you when you're wrong.
Eradicate but vindicate as "progress" creeps along.
Puritan work ethic maintains its subconscious edge
As Old Glory maintains your consciousness.
There's a loser in the house, and a puppet on the stool,
And a crowded way of life, and a black reflecting pool,
And as the people bend, the moral fabric dies,
The country can't pretend to ignore its people's cries.
You are the government.
You are jurisprudence.
You are the volition.
You are juridiction.
And I make a difference too.
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