Should I marry a person with student loan debt?

No matter who you marry, you're still on the bottom.

One of my readers asked me: "Should I marry a man (or woman) with student loan debt?"  I am no woman, but I will tell you that student loan debt is a serious issue right now in this country of ours.  For example, it is said that over $1 trillion dollars is tied up in student loans.  That's a lot of money!  However, the truth is, student loan debt is owed in different amounts by different people.  For example, some people owe only a few hundred dollars, while others owe over $300,000!

Here's an interesting story about a guy who could not pass the character and fitness portion of the bar exam due to student loan debt:  character & fitness fail for law school graduate due to student loans.  Now that's scary, because I will be graduating with over $150k in student loan debt (his debt was $170k).  That being said, this is something to seriously consider for the law student and for the would be spouse of a law student or graduate.  Do you want to be marrying into that kind of debt?
(Please, do yourself a favor and don't read the comments of the link above.  They are awful.)

Related Post: Suicide and Student Loan Debt.

Now, let's just back up a second.  Money is one thing, but so is love.  Some people are more into money than love, and others are more into love than money.  Some people have visions of an adult life full of wealth and prestige.  $adly, for these people, the real world may be knocking soon, and chances are, their fantasies will soon be crushed by reality.  Others have dreams of a perfect relationship.  This, in my opinion, is easier to get to than the world of wealth and prestige.  I have seen people on the lower end of the socioeconomic stratum that were deeply in love until their death.  However, this is not generally the case if the two people can not get past the issues of money.

Money is a powerful force in our world.  People are obsessed with it.  Many would give almost anything for money.  Relationships are born and die due to money.  Many divorces are the result of lifestyle and money issues.  Two individuals that could have been happy together end up otherwise due to the disagreements brought on by money woes.  Money in itself is not evil.  It's just a way to buy and sell, just as trading is a way to exchange items.  However, many people do not understand the intricacies of money, and many think that money is the end of everything in life. 

I would say, in response to the question, if a person should marry another person with student loan debt: it depends.  Do you know how to deal with money?  Does that person share your same views in regards to money and how to spend?  Are you both frugal, or is only one of you?  If one person is frugal and the other is not, chances are there will be strife.

For example, I have known people who are very frugal and are/were married to individuals who liked to spend.  The frugal person would work hard to save, and the spender would work hard to spend.  Everything that one person would try to put aside the other person would spend!  It is very hard to avoid strife in that kind of relationship.  Before getting married, two people should try to figure out how they plan on spending money.  Put together a budget and a list of goals.  Do you both share the same dreams of buying a house, moving to the suburbs, having six kids and a minivan?  Do you both want a state of the art time share in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico?  Well, that won't happen if one of the spouses needs the newest clothing every other week, or if one of the people demands on carrying the newest gadgets.

Sadly, the people who I see who have money differences generally get divorced and fight over money (and often children) issues for the remainder of their youth.  This is no way a marriage should be.  So, I say, if you are thinking of getting married to a person with debt, you must ask if you are both willing to tackle that debt.

Second, ask: Are we both willing to live under our means for the first few years at least?  (If so, read my first post on being frugal.)  Chances are you will both be working to pay off that large debt for a long time.  It may mean putting off a house or a minivan or oodles of children for a few years.  There is no reason you can not have some things, but you can't expect to have your cake and eat it too.  There are always trade offs in life, and there will be in such a relationship.  You just have to be realistic.

If you both can agree on the way you manage money, savings plans, goals, and spending patterns, and you both love each other, there is no reason why you should not both get married.  There are far worse things in the world than marrying a person with inordinate student debt.