Continued from the previous post, found here.
I must admit, I thought hard about the offer of being a member of the law review. That, and I want to graduate in the best standing possible with my school. Stories have been told 'round the campfire of the dean helping out people find jobs. Of course, these are generally people with tip top GPAs, but I figured I could maybe make the dean happy and tell him I would quit this blog. But, as things turned out, the dean said "the offer no longer stands" when I went into his office. Further, the dean stated, "the only journal that has space is the Legal Policy Journal." I don't even know what that journal is about. What does that even mean?
So, I walked out of his office with my head down. I made my way to the elevator and saw a girl going to talk to him. I asked her if she was going to see the dean. She nodded at me and said that she was getting a letter of recommendation from him. She had worked for him in the past. I could not help but just shake my head. It must be nice to be in good standing with a dean of a top 150 ranked law school.
Later that night, I laid in bed, feeling down in the dumps. You know that feeling when you want to cry but you don't have the strength to do so? Well, that was how I felt. I was just laying there, completely naked and cold (having trouble with the heat, but I can't get myself to wear clothing at night. It's so constricting). I actually remember grabbing an issue of the journal of legal policy a while back, so I looked under my bed, where I keep a lot of old law papers and found it. It was just sitting there, collecting dust. I opened it and started reading. I continued to read. In fact, I spent a couple of hours reading through the entire journal. There was an entry by one of the professors on reform of prison policy at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. There was another article by a student who talked about the policy implications of freedom of choice and the illegality of ferrets in California. Another student wrote a 14 page article on how policy has been shaped during the Regan administration and how it parallels the proposed policy changes of Romney, if elected. I wondered what I would have wrote about. The thing about these articles is that the law students who wrote them are now considered published writers. That must be a proud feeling, to know that you are published. I think it's the holy grail for some of us to get our work noticed. I have been in many courses where professors share law review articles with the class and talk about them. I can't imagine the thrill I would have if a professor shared my law review article with his class. But, what would I write about? What could I possibly say that has not already been said?
I put the journal down and finally, after a few minutes of mulling the possibilities in my head, fell asleep. The next morning I awoke, having dreamt about high school and telling all my classmates that I was a law student. In the dreams the students from my high school class surrounded me as I told them tales of the Socratic Method, the money that I could make according to the law school propaganda, and how I was "learning so much!" One of my loser classmates, who was doing low-budget 'nascar' style driving on a ranch that was set up as an illegal racing operation was making around $10,000 a year. He lived in a dilapidated trailer near a sewage treatment plant. His parents must have been so proud. I remember this little fiend from my days of school. He was always so gruff and tough acting. He walked tall and proud, somewhat of a bully to the others. He always thought he was right, even though he was dead wrong. He was popular in sports, not because he was good, but because he was big. In the dream he got what he deserved. In real life he owns a bar and probably pulls in at least $100,000 a year.
There was this girl that I always had a crush on in the dream and she was very impressed by everything I said. I told her I was going to be on a law journal and I wrote a piece about the white house's rules on how many pets can be kept by the president. There was something in the dream about "the president can keep a dog, but it can be no bigger than a collie, and he can not have a guinea pig." Of course, it seemed really intelligent in the dream. What really makes it strange though was the fact that every one of us were characters from the play "CATS."
A woman begging with a baby on the subway may make well over $200,000 a year.
The waking world is never as good as the dream world. I found myself on the subway going towards my law school when a lady with a baby walked by with a sign asking for money. The child was strapped to mother while mother made her rounds from car to car. I noticed that people were giving her dollar bills. In fact, there were two to three pieces of "paper money" handed to the mother on just that car. The woman was on the car for maybe a minute. At that rate, she could have been pulling in $180 an hour. Saying she works six hours a day, and does this 200 days a year, she would bring in $218,000 a year tax free. Will I bring in that kind of money after EIGHT YEARS of schooling? Who knows? Anyway, that was my thought as I saw this taking place.
Noted, she can only do this while the baby is an infant. However, she could be babysitting another person's child and be making money on top of the money she is making.
I finally made it to school, after calculating the financial affairs of this woman. I made my way up to the classroom where I would partake in a class about bankruptcy. Reminded that it does not exist for student loan debt, public or private, I felt myself daydreaming back to the night before where I read the policy journal. I would go talk to the dean.
Your type is not needed on our law review.
In the dean's office, I was told that he had no place for me on any law review, policy or otherwise. I asked him if there was any way I could get on. "Yes, you can grade on during your first year of law school or write on.""But I am a 3L," I replied, reminding him that I was nearing graduation.
"We do sometimes let some students retake law school. If you are interested we may have a spot for you."
"But I would have take out more loans," I said, flabergasted that I was actually considering this idea.
"Yes, you would. But you could get better grades because you already know the material. You could gain more experience in clinics, and you could even be on law review or moot court, but not both. Your GPA would still reflect your past grades, though. It's up to you."
"I don't want to start over. I don't want to owe another $250,000 in loans."
"If you are not willing to put in the time to be a good lawyer, then your type is not needed or wanted on our law review. Now, if you'd please, I have some work to finish. I am actually writing a law review article right now."
I left, feeling somewhat angry and somewhat dead inside. I found myself not even caring about my grades, wanting to just skip class until finals. I found myself feeling like a loser. Sadly, everyone else at the school just loves this dean, but to me he seems arrogant and unworthy of his lofty title.
So, I walked down stairs and headed out into the court yard before turning around, heading back up the stairs and walking back into the dean's office. And I said, believe it or not:
"I have paid over $100,000 to attend your institution. I have given almost three entire years of my
life. I have been told at the beginning I would be making a large sum of money just for the fact that I attended this school. I was told that being a lawyer would make me more marketable. I was told that the sky was the limit for me. I was told even if I was in the bottom of my class, I would still be a lawyer. I spent so much time engaged in my studies. I spent hours bettering myself through internships and clinics. I took the courses that I was expected to take. I followed every rule other than posting an ad for my blog on your bathroom wall. And I didn't even do that because I was intercepted. Then I was told I could not have my blog anymore. You tried to take that away and you offered me a space on your law review. You told me to think about it, but when I did think about it and decided I was interested, you pulled that offer out from under me. Then I came back and I pleaded with you to be told my type was not wanted. Well, I will tell you what. I don't care anymore. I would not take a spot even on your most prestigious law review! Why? Because my blog, LAWSCHOOLFAIL(dot)com is my law review. I am the editor in chief. I choose what gets published. I have more readers on my blog than your law review probably has! You may think that your students are just clamoring to pick up each and every issue of your rag, but to be honest, I picked up one copy a few months back and I still see a stack of those in the library, untouched. You are scared, because I pulled a blog out of my butt and had a lot more to say than you could think of. So what that a few professors will pull one of your writings from the pages and talk about it. That's just a filler. A professor can't talk about torts or contracts for three hours at a time. Do you really think that it takes 3 hours to discuss battery? If so you are fooling yourself! I have one semester left after these finals are done. Don't you even bother sending me a donation package until the school hires a new dean. You are a sad pathetic little man and I don't want to see you again for the rest of my law school career. I will not be going to the graduation, instead, I will be working on my blog. Yes, that's right. I am going to PUMP UP production! I am going to let the words flow! I am going to show the world that nobody tells me what rights I do have and what rights I don't have! I am a human being. I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!"
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