Generic Law Scam Victims
1000 Unemployment Lane
Loserville, USA (probably California)
Greetings Lesser Beings:
We here at the Law School Truth Center understand your plight, much in the same way that mortgage predators understand their customers' plights. Got to have a blueprint to rob a joint. You are victims. We know. We exploited the crap out of you.
Yet your exploitation does not justify lashing out against the fine taxpayers of this country. We speak of Freddy the Fireman, Carrie the Carpenter (hey, no gender stereotypes here), Denny the Dentist, and Guillermo the Gardner (hey, stereotypes exist for a reason). These hard-working individuals slave tirelessly and dutifully pay exorbitant tax rates to Uncle Sam. Our entire economy runs on their sweat and their sacrifices and their ability to gain credit card approval.
As you likely know, student loans are overwhelmingly a federally-backed enterprise. Skipping over a whole bunch of economic mumbo jumbo that frankly most of you are too stupid to understand, that means if you never pay back your loans, those fine taxpayers are basically stuck paying for YOUR education. So the next time you go out in public, look at Cassius the Cashier. Look at him closely. Not like that, you pervert! That's more like it. When you whine and moan about your $2000 loan payments, when you put them on IBR with no intent of paying the full balance, Cassius has to pay the bill. Now what the hell did Cassius ever do to you?!?!? HE didn't tell you to go the law school. HE didn't tell you to take out student loans to buy Starbucks and a new cell phone every day. HE didn't tell you to choose an expensive private law school over an efficient public alternative like UCLA. And yet, YOU are making HIM pay for YOUR mistakes.
And some of you even have the audacity to ask for bankruptcy protections! Why don't you just kick Cassius in the face, huh? No other form of debt would so burden an honest taxpayer with such clean, firm-but-soft hands as Cassius.
Shame on you, law graduates! Cassius the Cashier deserves more. As does Fannie the Farmer and Uni the Unionized Concrete Pourer. Pay your own damned loans so they don't have to. Moreover, you should GIVE them money for their troubles. Here they are, trying to work to raise families and whatnot, and YOU had the shame to take money from them at below-market interest rates.
At the very least, could you at least thank them for serving as taxpaying guarantors of your legal education? Even if we sorta lied to you, you'll always have the expertise and the juris doctor credential. You at least owe Cassius and co. a "thank you." How many of you even have the basic human decency to issue a "thank you?" A hug? A complimentary handjob? A basket of mixed fruit?
Why are law graduates so damned ungrateful? Your arguments would go further if you only had an ounce - a tiny tidbit of a pinch of a dollop - of that magical salve: basic human kindness.
But no - you take their money at super-low interest rates, make them foot the bill for your mistakes and indulgences, and THEN you decide not to say thank you for the opportunity. Why, as a taxpayer myself, I should spit in your collective faces for the downright IMPUDENCE and IMPERTINENCE you have shown the average taxpayer.
Want to know what you CAN do to help the taxpayers out?
Start scamming lemmings yourself. You heard me. They're a gullible bunch - I mean, look in the damned mirror. You thought you were a smart and special little snowflake, but then you woke up one day broke, unhappy, failed, and you have no idea what just happened. It's not some magical roofies; it's business psychology. Be creative. You'll be surprised what those suckers in the 18-35 bracket spend their money on. Like, you know, near-worthless legal educations.
Once you start scamming the lemmings like us, you'll feel what it's like to be that most special of person: a taxpayer. Once you're a taxpayer, you can bitch and moan all you want about the law school scam, as you'll have actually sustained a real loss like Cassius the Cashier and Freddy the Fireman and all those others whose labor runs our world-class nation.
But right now? After taking all that money and refusing to pay it back? You're way ahead. Don't be a poor sport to the average taxpayer, who is the only true loser in this wonderful, wonderful game.
Have some humanity, and give Wally the Waiter a hug, and a big tip. He's given you so much more than fries already.
Sincerely,
The Law School Truth Center
p.s. Have you considered making a donation to your law school? Every day you use your legal education in many versatile ways to help society, but your law school only had three years to use your tuition money.
p.s.s. Please tell people to enroll for fall. Please. We're desperate.
The Law School Truth Center is a NNP (non-non-profit) dedicated to spreading the glorious truth about law schools, extolling the virtues of expansive legal education, encouraging lemmings to enroll and gain valuable career-altering skills, and rewarding law schools for scamming as many people as possible. Unlike law graduates, the LSTC is grateful for the opportunity to post on Outside the Law School Scam in addition to its regular blog, which can be found at http://www.lawschoolscam.com/blog. It can be reached at lawschoolscam - at - usa.com. Thanks for reading.
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