Manifesto of the Menshevik Fake-Reformers

The French Nation, in simultaneous, desperate dead-pull, and as if by miracle of madness, has pulled down the most dread Goliath, huge with the growth of ten centuries; and cannot believe, though his giant bulk, covering acres, lies prostrate, bound with peg and packthread, that he will not rise again, man-devouring; that the victory is not partly a dream. Terror has its scepticism; miraculous victory its rage of vengeance. Then as to criminalty, is the prostrated Giant, who will devour us if he rise, an innocent Giant? —Carlyle

We have reached the point where the systematic failure of law school is simply undeniable, even by the schools themselves. The new question is, what to do about it; should there be deep or shallow efforts at reform? Should we have a Bolshevik revolution in legal education, or merely a Menshevik touch-up?

Recently, a group of law professors wrote a manifesto, more absurd than even the UNABOMER's, filled to the brim with the dregs of ideas to reform law schools. I made no comment then, because—like the time Bill Maher refused to read Woody Harrelson's book, My Brother P!ssed on Me in Ed TV: I didn't read it, because honestly, it looks stupid. Comments were made here earlier disrespecting the usefulness of these proposals, as the "reforms" merely prune the leaves of a twig of a redwood, leaving the gargantuan trunk and roots both untouched and unmentioned. Professors, ya'll ain't no lumberjacks.

We already have heard the response from the Scambloggers (i.e., the only unbiased adults involved in the discussion so far), and they have said that these proposed "reforms" are window dressing that will either not have any curative effect, or worse, exacerbate the problem by making it easier to graduate and enter the legal profession.

What is disturbing is the chance that this "rethinking how law schools work" claptrap will actually be adopted, since it doesn't upset the Valvoline-used-as-hair-grease-run apple cart. There will also be a great opportunity cost if the Mensheviks win; it prevents meaningful reforms to the structure while allowing useless or even counter-productive ones on the surface. Graduation in 30 instead of 36 months! You still won't get a job, not even one as Leiter's toothbrush dealer—but you will pay just as much tuition anyway. :-)

We have competing ideas, real (i.e., Bolshevik) reform to the entire process of law school: no more government loans, or if loans, only with tight regulation as to limit tuition and default rates, or even better, an outright return to the L.L.B. and closure of all law schools, or at least limits on enrollment based on employment, etc. But if the insider (Menshevik) academics get their way, we not only will fail to save the legal profession, but we will make it worse, and afterwards be forced to hear the Yellow-Toothers & Tulsa Tams of the world flatter themselves that, dagnabbit, at least we tried! All you damn kids did was complain. 

So, I suppose we may have to live with 1avv sk00l as it is, and let the B-Lite's and Tulsa Tams of the world keep their one-hour-of-teaching-to-one-hour-of-vacation-leave-ratio-stress-free jobs, of which the "reforms" they propose won't affect at all.

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Read my book-length satire/exposé of law school, Smarter Than Socrates: The End of the Law School Era.