Mr. Pomposity

While riding on the subway tonight I saw my reflection in the glass and it was interesting to look at myself not only as a commuter, but as a soon-to-be law graduate.  In fact, for a moment I felt somewhat proud of myself, riding the rails.  Soon I may be representing these people in the courtroom I thought to myself. 

In a couple of weeks my school will be holding its graduation ceremony, yet I will not be a part of it.  No, instead I will be either in Europe or the Middle East.  In some ways I am glad I will not be going.  Other than my wife, my family would have not attended.  Many of them don't even know that I am graduating.  I have fallen out of disfavor perhaps with them. 

A long time ago my sister-in-law, shortly after I was married, called me a name that stuck with me for a while.  In fact, the name riled me when I thought about it, and I was angry with her for saying it.  I thought of all people, how dare she call me such a name.  Who was she to judge me?  She barely even knew me. 

That name was Mr. Pomposity.

Today I reflected a little bit on that name, and realize that perhaps, just perhaps that name does fit me.  I am somewhat pompous.  Not when it comes to strangers, but when it comes to many members of my family.  My wife's family obviously sees it too.  Keep in mind when they called me it I had barely started community college.  Nobody had any idea that I would even finish, nor did they even imagine I would go to law school.  Yet here I, Mr. Pomposity, am, on the edge of graduation.  When others in my class will be walking to get their diploma, I will be either walking along the canals in Amsterdam or floating down the Nile on a felucca. 

Perhaps I am pompous.  But it shall be bitter sweet.  I know that on the day of graduation I will wonder what I missed.  I never went to my undergraduate graduation.  I was the first, the very first of all of us in the family to graduate.  I went to a pretty good college and when it came time to walk I decided not to.  Again, the only person who would have attended was my wife.  Perhaps I should have done it for her, but I knew I would feel upset if nobody else showed up.  So I skipped it. 

It's not the graduation that matters.  It's how we use the knowledge that we are bestowed with.  I have seen that now more than ever.  Some law school graduates succeed and make great attorneys, some are mean spirited people, and others fail for various reasons.  It's like life itself I venture to say. 

Perhaps I am pompous in ways, but I will not let that get in the way of my relationship with those who I serve in the future.  Maybe I will struggle with it with my family.  But perhaps that is due to the fact that I feel some of them have turned their back on dear ol' Mr. Pomposity.  Who knows why, but as I get older, I realize that it is my life, and I have accomplished so much that I can be proud of.  That I can share with the person who is the most important to me.  And that is my wife.  Even those who read this as my critics know far more about me than the members of my family know.  That is something for me to reflect on as I move forward with this blog that so many people just can't stop reading.